Really Real?

With the scurry of the semester, the complexity of the material in semester 4 and the loads of studying and papers, I haven’t had the opportunity to stop and reflect on my very near future. But in the past 2-3 weeks, wether or not I’ve wanted to come to grips with reality of my near future, I haven’t had the choice. First I received the flyer to sign up for pinning ceremony and pay the fee.

Pinning ceremony sign up

Then it was time to invite my family to attend the graduation.

Pinning Ceremony invite

Pinning Ceremony invite

Next came a stack of formal invites to the pinning ceremony from SPC, to hand out to family and friends.

Then, let’s not forget the many conversations I’ve had with Doug about what kind of food I want him to prepare for my graduation party, and all the details that go along with that night. In addition to all of that, I’ve received 2 letters  in the mail from the Florida Board of Nursing stating that all is complete on my end and I’m almost ready to take the NCLEX; the only thing left to complete is a transcript transfer from SPC.

Then of course my mind battles between a vintage white dress for pinning ceremony, or an all white scrub set that I can wear again, when I work as an RN. Which leads me to the next question; what shoes should I wear with a white scrub dress?? What about these?

That’s a big deal. Also, let me not forget the Graduation Tea at Morton Plant Hospital for the BayCare nursing students. I still need to prepare a stellar speech for that night.

The management/preceptorship orientation and review for the End Of Program Exam that I attended last week, sealed our last true meeting in class. That meeting brought on the thought that I’m about to be licensed as an R.N. Reality hit. That exam comes up on Monday a.m.

missing Vickie and Star
missing Vickie and Star

My heart beats tachy with all the excitement and nervousness I feel. I will be an RN in a matter of months. I have waited for this moment for 25 years, since I was 10 years old! It beats fast because I’m not done until I’m done. I’m so close, but yet I still have things to do, and I haven’t officially finished yet. It beats fast because I’m nervous on stage, and the thought of giving a speech scares me. It beats fast from excitement, when I think of my graduation party coming up, and all of the people Doug keeps inviting. I’m not used to a party focused on me. I’m sure I’ll get over that!  Most importantly, it beats fast because I will be caring for people soon, and I’ll be responsible for their outcomes. I’m not nonchalant with the thought that I will be caring for others or apart of a team that saves lives. I’m excited for the victories, the discoveries and the challenges that will force me to think beyond what I think I’m capable of. The challenge excites me. But I know there will be tough days as well. There will be losses, and moment’s of uncertainty, and moments to question, and moments in which I will be challenged ethically. Being a nurse, is by far one of the most rewarding and most challenging careers, and I’m both thrilled and scared to step into this new role.

I have a lot of thoughts swirling around in my crowded brain right now, and the biggest thought is, “Is this really real?”.

Can this really be happening? Is it true that I’m almost done with nursing school? Will I really carry the title of R.N. in a matter of two months from now?

On a final note, I do look forward to more time with my family and friends. I look forward to perfecting my love of photography. I love the thought of sitting down with a cup of coffee to write, and maybe start the process of writing a book. I was re-inspired to write when I received this letter from my teacher, attached to my last paper.

Letter from my instructor

Ok, I’m off to study for that last End of Program (everything I’ve learned in nursing school) Exam. I’m almost there. This is almost really real.

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